This is how you sell a minivan.
A Louisiana dad is using Facebook to try and sell his 2012 Honda Odyssey. He wrote a very thorough explanation of why this vehicle would be a dream come true for a man or woman.
This is what Patrick Fellows wrote:
“FOR SALE: 2012 Honda Odyssey with all the sht to make your life an effing breeze, and you, a better person. Seems too good to be true, you say? Well, grab your panties because your fortunes have changed. Ever have a kid under one arm, groceries, a purse, your phone and keys in the other hand and wonder how you’re going to not get mugged at Target?? Faster than you can say ‘OPEN SESAME’ you hit the button and the doors open like some sort of Milf Millenium Falcon! Throw all that sht into the air, the purse lands on the passenger seat, the kid lands strapped in, the groceries all hang by the handles on the fancy little hooks, and you flip your beautiful hair around like an 80’s Prell commercial, while, “RUN THE WORLD” by Beyonce magically starts playing, loud, with authority.
As you’ll see, this baby is in near ‘OK TO GREAT’ shape. She’s never been wrecked, has a few scratches but is no worse for wear. The interior is great! The leather smooth and the drivers seat doesn’t look like a long haul trucker has been smashing his sweaty ass on it for thousands of miles. You’ll see there is sand on the floor, because we use it and if that’s what holds you back, go pay full retail somewhere else. I promise to wash and vacuum it before I deliver it to your door. THAT’S RIGHT! DELIVERY!!
Men, don’t feel left out here. You too can sack up and buy yourself a rolling man cave/stabbin cabin, replete with plugs in the back to charge the batteries for your drills and what not. A fully functional DVD w/ two sets of headphones, means you can watch Gladiator or Caddyshack or whatever the eff on your next trip to Disney. Speaking of which, I’ve driven this thing to Disney twice and it never disappointed. I just pointed her in the right direction and BLAMMO, Happiest Place on Earth, here we come! Minivans are the new F-150’s so get with the game, losers (I say this affectionately).
I included one of those Kelly Blue Book estimates in these pics so you can see I am pricing her fair and accurate, unlike FOX News!! HIYO!! I kid I kid. All news is fair, true and accurate.
Seriously, get yourself a slice of American (VIA JAPAN) Suburbia at a price that will allow you to save enough to send your kid to Episcopal for another year!!
Got new tires about 10k miles ago.
Priced under $10k!!!
I’ll take offers, low ball away, but know that banter is going to be epic! Also, know the agreed upon price will have to end in a 3, 7 or 9. Superstitions.
Text me @ [number hidden for this article] don’t call, I won’t answer.”